Ankle

I just returned from Seattle. I was doing some running tests up there with their runners and was trying to do my fastest and most enduring pace. I felt something give in my ankle, was pretty sure something had broken around the tendon and yes it did hurt but I kept running. I didn't want to let the Commander or Ft. Stevens down.

Seattle, what a wild futuristic crazy place that is. It is nothing like laid back glad to grow their own potatoes New Portland. It's edgy and sleek and dangerous and so many things all at once I would get vertigo just standing downtown in the streets.

We collected in Moore Theater downtown for running trials. I did well but as soon as I returned to the loft with the Commander I was limping severely. I was given crutches. The rest of the try outs to join Seattle were out for me. The Commander was trying out for a position within the downtown operations but the engineers passed on him without saying why.

Moore theater:








I was invited back to run September, the great race. Thirteen miles at a 9-11 minute mile pace minimum speed. So I start training tomorrow but I have to stay off my ankle so it will be weights, yoga, riding my bike and anything else I can find to do. I wish I could just go get an MRI and find out what broke and how long it will take to heal, but as it is I know I will be rushing it as it is.

I told you I had a trainer now right? He's overseeing my training and my eating. I've been eating pretty well. Not so good in Seattle because there wasn't fresh produce unless you wanted to spend a ton of money. We have little money so that was out of the question. I did come home with a new bicycle that suits me very well and I'm keeping it indoors beside my bed. I also bought some Henna dye and plan to color my hair and see what shade of red it turns out. The lady who sold it to me didn't know. The Commander was given some Seattle shirts after his tour of their facility. The told him to keep trying that the only constant was change.

I am so glad to be home but so intimidated by training tomorrow. I am so scared I'll fail. So scared I'm too old and too fat to do this. It will be an amazing race if I can just make it...


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Junkie

Today I'm on restrictions and putting off the cleaning duty I pulled. I ran my five mile circuit per usual this morning but distracted. I, Runner 5, am in big trouble.

I thought my biggest problem was losing weight. I thought that everything I did toward that goal was toward the best interest of the Fort and everyone in it.

So I took the Methelphenedate I recovered for myself. I knew it from my college days when my roomies used it to stay up all night and lost a ton of weight. I found out later it is identical to cocaine in its structure and effect. I felt good, I could run longer and didn't need to sleep but after not sleeping for so long I did start to go off the rails and I had to look for something else. I told no one I was using it for weight loss.

I found a certain vitamin supplement that made me vomit and sick to my stomach. As soon as it kicked in, I didn't have an appetite.

I would stash my food rations and keep certain recovered items like chocolate for myself - after all, I was doing all the hard work, why not treat myself? So that's how the binges of thousands of calories began to happen and happen and happen.

I tried to just run more and run extra after each binge but the rainy season and the arrival of bikes from Grant's group just meant less exercise. I put on weight. Desperately I starved myself to lose it. Sometimes I could go as long as three days but then binge again and the eating might not stop for awhile, I would let myself go and gain more weight.

I thought that my problem was that I was fat. I thought my problem was I wasn't a good enough person to lose weight and be a thin runner. I thought my problem could be fixed by a diet. I was dead wrong.

Dr. Tom at the fort outed me. He sees addiction as addiction and my behavior was full of clues he just didn't know what addiction I was hiding.

The Commander (who only knows that I snuck food - not about the drugs) restricted my access to most things around the camp and is sending me only on nature runs not near any settlements. But that will end tomorrow. I have to run to Astoria and other nearby towns even zombie infested Seaside. I'm needed too badly.

The Commander doesn't know how to handle my illness, "you're not fat, why are you trying to lose weight?" I feel like I have betrayed everyone at Fort Stevens. I know I've lied, been manipulative ,self-centered and not a very nice person. I see that now but can't see a way out. I still dream of being about half my size. I tossed some of the pills but it is painful physically to dump all of them. I'm in trouble here. I get that now.

I've got a lot of secrets.


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Location:Ft. Stevens State Park

The Second Half of March

It's a long way to the top if you want to rock-n-roll" - AC/DC

It feels like a long way to the top. Seattle settlement agreed to take us in. That was months ago. We just wait and they make excuses. Getting there is problematic but they have resources. Grant went with several of his people and sent word we could go as well. We sent them some of our technology ahead, particularly programming to get essential communication systems back on line. They were grateful, they used the tech, and here we sit.

Seattle means hot showers, balanced meals, a technology hub to work from - a lot less running and more using my skills. We've heard all kinds of stories but I don't know how much is true. Stories about vast green houses, helicopters, armed perimeters and soft linen to sleep on in heated quarters. Hell yeah. *sigh*

I'm Runner 5 in the Pacific Northwest I run for Fort Stevens. I haven't written in awhile as the days just run together so maybe I should catch up.

We've lost most of our members to Portland. When it looked like the fences would fail and Grant left many took off but we still had a lot of technology in the bunker and I and a few other remained loyal and we stayed.

I've been trying to make a green house and grow us some vegetables but my seedlings are leggy and not doing very well. There isn't enough sunlight in this place to grow crap.

Dr. Jividien? Yes, she is still here but the work goes slowly because although I do supply runs, finding her supplies is really difficult. Seaside Providence Hospital has been picked clean and there are so many zombs in Seaside I hate that run.

I typically only run 5-7 miles per day. I know that the Providence runners and Portlandians can go much farther and faster and I guess I always feel like I let my camp down a little bit. Seriously after doing a bunch of farm chores and survival and then running...all I want to do in the afternoon is nap. The only time I sleep good. Night isn't good.

The idea of not struggling for survival every single day -- Seattle why? We know people there....they have our tech...they talk to us but won't let us in. WTH. Every day I wonder... do I plant, do I repair the fence, do I spend my resources on this or am I going to leave tomorrow? But it has been months.

Grant did send us a USB hard drive full of tv and radio which was appreciated. With the warmth the zombs will be back in force. People on the move will be coming in for supplies. The Skunk Cabbage is blooming, the elk bulls are shedding their horns, the garter snakes are out from hibernation and the world starts anew. Local herd count 60 elk, but that's 20 missing - females having young or have they split off?

Keep shining. Keep moving.

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Location:Ft. Stevens